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The Nexus of Action.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 , Posted by Bradd McBrearty at 4:09 AM

I recently heard the phrase, "Man plans, God Laughs." Dark, yes- but insightful, also yes. Like a seasoned parent I imagine God looking on the decisions we make in life, knowing full well the outcomes of the paths we commit ourselves to. Sometimes we are so intently focused on getting through the door in front of us, we forget why we approached it in the first place. More common still, the longer we wait outside, the greater we built the inside up to be.

This isn't a rant about social entropy, or submitting to outright apathy. Rather, a personal reflection on the roads behind me, and the meandering paths they've taken. I once saw 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' right after a breakup. The overarching theme is along the lines of, "The pains of loss are proof positive the value of the experience." Expanding on the idea that if you were to wipe out all your painful memories, you'd lose even more happy ones.

Suddenly the whole concept of Religion, and repentance specifically, begin to make more sense. Wipe away the guilt and remorse from your memory, while retaining a fullness of the joy and happiness wrought in life.

I wrote a long letter to a friend recently. It was a sort of soul cleansing confession, letting go of a lot of things I held in. Not guilt or anything, but finally acknowledging how much I've come to rely on their influence in my life. I feel like delivering it would be unfair from a friendship point of view though. If you had the opportunity to know what your close friends really thought about you, good and bad, would you take it all in? Is this the same situation as in 'Eternal Sunshine..." I'm in a sort of half dazed state of inner reflection. That feeling where you can't tell if you're about to burst into laughter, or tears.

I look at my life, and goals as suffering from the Coriolis effect. I've always charged straight ahead through life with as much effort and force as humanly possible. However, with the ever changing landscape of life, I always seem to end up in a different place than predicted. Never bad, but never completely fulfilling. When I look back at the adventures of this summer so far, this year so far, I can't help but marvel at the amazing things that have more or less fallen into my lap. More importantly, the amazing friends, new and old, that have joined in my adventures.

I've been consumed, self destructively so, with starting a real career. I've avoided job after job that wasn't going to lead my towards that goal. Not until recently have I stopped to take a larger view of my actions. I feel like the Coriolis effect of life has this time left me in a better place than I originally set out for.

In the grand perspective of things, the very worst problem in my life is cash being tight. While other people are battling debilitating diseases, wondering where they are going to sleep for the night, or where to get their next meal, I'm upset because my cell phone is broken. That is seriously my biggest complaint. Even though I say that I'm broke, with a few phone calls I managed to spend yesterday up in Ventura with friends, watching my favorite bands, rubbing elbows at after-parties with mini celebs, and meeting cool new people. Oh, and Skullcandy paid for the trip, and is sending out top of the line headphones for myself and the friend that joined in on my adventure.

If this has been a lesson in gratitude, I'm glad for the perspective now, rather than after suffering the pains of loss. I don't know what I ever did to be born in the time and place, under the amazing circumstances I did, but thank you. I was born into a stable family, with every opportunity open to me. If I'd wanted to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or anything, I could have. Probably still can. But, I chose to be an artist. A laughable profession an any time but the Golden ages of humanity. The very fact that it exists is a testament to the affluence and excess of our time. Still, my family has been there, supporting my dream all along. Even in the face of financial disaster. Words can't express the gratitude I feel. I'll have to take action and attempt to show my feelings.

Currently have 1 comments:

  1. Michelle says:

    i'm not sure what brought me to reading this today on my lunch break but i'm glad i stummbled across it...you're incredibly insightful and i'm glad i know you :) you're like and onion with so many layers of B-raddness i didn't know you had! i'm diggin it. but seriously you've inspired me with this to better appreciate what i have and how easy i have it, in all aspects. i especially like the quotes you used- "The pains of loss are proof positive the value of the experience" got me thinking a lot about the experiences i've had and what they truly meant to me...anyway i like to see how other people think about things and what i can gain from it and this kinda gave me a slightly new perspective on things and i appreciate the time you took to write this out- good work :)

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