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Fortunate, or Cursed.

Sunday, July 20, 2008 , Posted by Bradd McBrearty at 6:45 PM

It's one of the two.
The reason why? I know exactly what it would take in life for me to be truly happy, in a meaningful and lasting way. The problem is, I'm not doing the things necessary to get there. It's getting kind of ridiculous.

Before we get any further into my self dissection, lemme put this on the table that I'm not unhappy with my life now. Actually I love it. I've probably seen more of the world, met more amazing people, and achieved more of my personal goals than 99.95% of the people of this world. Even so, I still vast room for improvement. I am listing here the personal insecurities I carry around hidden in my head everyday. My hope is that by admitting to them, and making them public, I am one step closer to overcoming them.

I can divide my life into very specific areas of interest. I've become aware that when I slack off in any of these areas, the other areas also suffer.

First, the most tangible, is the physical aspect of my life.
I call myself a Pro Snowboarder. Because my profession for the last three years has been Snowboarding. Or more specifically, teaching Snowboarding. Kind of like a Tennis Pro at your local country club. It's a half life that I tell myself, and let others believe.
Regardless, I'm fully aware that when I'm in peak physical shape, and leading an active lifestyle, I'm naturally happy about my life.
It's summer now, and barring a trip to the southern hemisphere I'm not going to be doing any Snowboarding any time soon. I shouldn't let this be an excuse for sloth, but that's pretty much the way I've played the cards. My true Summer time ambition has actually been to take Tumbling / Acrobatic lessons. I see video's of people doing Parkour and am filled with awe. But at the same time have yet to take a single lesson.

The next aspect of my life is the professional, or career oriented goals.
Up till December of last year this had never been a serious concern. I realized from early on that I could sell things. Anything. To anyone. As a result, my life has been a pattern somewhat like this: Work really hard for 3 or 4 months, then play for the rest of the year. When in desperate need of cash, work again.
My Dad stepped in a few years ago to break this cycle. I think he, a gifted salesman by nature, realized that money would never lead me to happiness. So he encouraged me to go back to school, and helped out when my saving ran out so that I could focus all my attention on becoming a skilled 3D artist. Thanks by the way. Love you Dad.
The problem is, now, with Degree in hand, I'm an unemployed 3D artist. This is an industry full of people who love their jobs, and love the teams the work with. A high paying career where you get to do a lot of what you enjoy. Naturally since the demand to get in is high, the entry bar is higher.
And I have been diligently pursuing a career, but with unsatisfactory results. What I know I really need to do is to apply to a wider range of studios, and to make follow up calls everyday. The problem is I let everyday life, eating out, surfing the web, and hanging out with my loved and yet equally unemployed friends get in the way of simple follow up phone calls. It kills me to know what I'm doing wrong, and to continue doing it.

Lastly is the most neglected, and arguably most important aspect of my life. The Spiritual connection.
This may not apply directly to your life, but for me, my personal spiritual well being is the deciding factor on whether the rest of my life is Half-Empty, or Half-Full. All it would take me is a few more minutes on my knees praying each day, and a half hour or so more personal scripture study each day.

When I write it out like this I realize that the change I desire in my life will only take a few hours max, each day. In reality, I have all day every day free right now to devote to this express purpose. It's a battle of personal will against the inertia of bad habits. But the change has to start somewhere.

Tomorrows Schedule:
Wake up
Personal Prayer.
Personal Scripture Study.
Train Captain Awesome.
Check Email.
Follow up calls.
Work on Unreal Project.
More Unreal.
Get firewood for Tri-ward bonfire.
Tri-ward bonfire.
Enjoy evening.
Write another Blog reporting on Success.

Here's Hoping.

Currently have 1 comments:

  1. desiree says:


    Bradd, realizing these things and what it is that you need to change is an amazing step. you make me smile. nothing makes me happier than knowing that you're taking the step to do the right things. im right by your side babe.

    you're an incredibly intelligent and talented man. you and i both know that you can do anything you put your mind to. knock those bad habits. use your time wisely to encourage healthy progression. this blog is a huge inspiration to me as we are both making changes in our lives to be something greater than yesterday.

    Your project with John is going to be a great accomplishment. So you ARE working towards landing that position in the industry, it will just take time and convincing of your skills. Maybe this is something to pray/fast about. My mom always tells me "All you can do is your best", so as long as you know you're putting in the best that you can do (whether that falls short of perfection) then that is all that can be asked of. It has proven difficult to get your foot in the door but I know you'll get there if you are persistent.

    As far as working out and such goes that is just hard to begin. Once you make it a habit-and find a good time to do it everyday (or so) then it will get much easier and enjoyable. Good thing you have me to push you =]

    It overjoys me to see that you have recognized these changes and I support you %100. You're nothing short of amazing bradd. I hope to hear a report of success! =]

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